f. u. 0. 8.

I'd like to take this time to review 2008. The year I turned 25, got my first tattoo and moved across the country.

...wait, was that it? Did I just review 2008?



photo by ellie lonardo

benjamin button.

Tonight I went with Keegan, his sisters Kali and Timshel, and their husbands Paul and Skip to go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I cried for a good bit of the movie. As we left the theater, all 5 of them were talking about how terrible the movie was. I told them I wept like a baby, and that I must have had other stuff going on to provoke that sort of emotion, but laughed it off. Sure, maybe the acting wasn't the best, but the story was interesting, and it kept my attention. Brad Pitt in his prime and half-dressed on the beach is something I don't mind spending $9 to see. The story was narrated in bits by Julia Ormond, who plays a daughter who is at the hospital by her mother's bedside waiting for her to die, basically. Her mom tells her about an old diary in the suitcase, and Julia pulls it out and reads it... in short, it turns out to be Benjamin's diary, yada yada. I knew I was a gonner when the mother, who was maybe around 60 or so... perhaps cancer, was slowly starting to struggle for life. She had a difficult time breathing and mentioned cotton mouth. She had a wrap on her head, to suggest that she didn't have any hair. She looked just like my mom. Sounded like her, with her heavy breathing and slight southern drawl. It was really hard for me to watch. After the movie, I shrugged it off so everyone else would assume I just have poor taste in movies, but alas, I miss my mom.








My mom, Kathy, was diagnosed with cervical cancer in July of 2002. That day, she started an online diary. She kept up with it as best she could until the day she died, October 14th, 2003, when my dad wrote the last entry. I'd like to share it with you, as I'd hate for her writings to go unread after time. I plan on making a paper journal with the entries soon. Her journey is really something spectacular to witness. She goes through all the things you might guess- fear, hope, sadness, and ultimately peace knowing she will be with Jesus.

Here is her diary.

bloops.

I was cleaning out the ol' hard drive and thought this was worth posting before I deleted it.

take 1) Blagh.

take 2) I realize that I might have forgotten that Michael is in the next room. I am suddenly nervous and embarrassed.

take 3) I am not paying attention for the first bit, because I'm still thinking about take 2.

christmas care package

my christmas wish.

I am missing home.

I would really like it if everyone sent me polaroids of them.

1008 W Eastland Ave
Nashville, TN 37206



My very very good wonderful most favorite friend, Ellie was here this past week from Seattle. We had so much fun. We took a lot of good pics that she will be uploading soon, so until then, I will leave you with this teaser:







here's a few videos that entertained me today:

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArZRWJwKdWs
2) http://pitchfork.tv/in-the-studio/lee-scratch-perry-andrew-wk
3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMPjFVQv7vw

my christmas wish.

i want my insides back.

Today is Thursday. On Tuesday night, I went over to babysit at an undisclosed location where they had left out some dinner for me. It was delicious. Turkey-meatball spaghetti. I got home around 2am and went straight to bed to sleep. Of course, I didn't realize that my body had another agenda. I started throwing up within the hour... and kept at it... come late Wednesday afternoon, I had nothing else to give, but somehow I kept on giving. I was hugging the toilet and crying and trying to sleep on the rug in the bathroom. The puking finally let up last night and I got a little bit of sleep. Gosh, I hadn't slept in 30-something hours.

I think I am on the up-and-up, at least. I mustered up enough energy to shower and get to Bongo for some internet and juice. I'm afraid I am ruined for spaghetti.

Sorry this blog wasn't very clever or entertaining. Wait, no. No I am not. My insides want to be on the outside. I don't feel bad for you at all.

the cocoa tree.

A few things to go over before you watch this video.

1) I know I need braces. I missed that train when I had dental coverage.

2) My camera was stolen before I moved, so now I have to make video blogs from my computer, and carrying it around tends to make the videos a little... wobbly. If you experience motion sickness, vertigo, sudden numbness in arms or legs, difficulty swallowing, confusion, seizures, loose stool or if you are pregnant, you would be advised to not watch this video.

3) Emily. I have turned into Dad. Listen to how I narrorate this thing.

one mouse, two mouse, three mouse, four?!?

We have mice. I had heard this when I moved in, but I didn't see one for a month... and when I did, it was just the one, and it was downstairs in the kitchen- far away from where my room is. I didn't think much of it. This last week I have caught four mice in my room. Maybe it's because it's so warm and cozy up there. Maybe it's because I have a bunch of ramen in my room. I seem to be the only one that wants to keep them and name them and love them. It was cute when it was the one, but this morning, when my live trap caught TWO, I realized I was being infiltrated. It's not so cute now. When I start to get creeped out, I try and think of all the cute famous mice in movies and tv, and it seems alright.
















...you get the idea.

i love mail.

chocolatown, usa.

I really wish I could just go to bed and wake up 2 weeks from now when I have gotten a paycheck from all my recent hard work and my phone is turned back on and I can at least afford some ramen noodles. It is humbling to say the least. I spent my last bit of change yesterday morning that I had to shake out from my bobble-head moose bank. I am ready to be done with this lifestyle. It's easy to get down when you can't afford even one meal, but somehow, I am happy! I really love my new job at the chocolate shop. It is full time and hopefully permanent. Also, I finished the window displays for the flower shop. I'll have to get pictures up soon.

Here are a couple of my favorite truffles that we make at the Cocoa Tree:




And here are a couple that I'm excited to try:




If you live in Nashville, you'll have to stop by and try something. At least sample the Mayan hot chocolate. It's really thick, and made with smoked chile peppers!

In other news, I've been knitting again. I am working on an olive green ribbed scarf for my friend, Joe. After that, I plan on making some of those cowl neck warmers. Ooh, also, I made some yarn plum ornaments for the flower shop, and they are going to be for sale! Another thing I need to get a picture of.

I just saw some pictures that Emily uploaded. Jack is so photogenic:



And here is a jumper that I had knit (originally for Olivia) for Ava, but never got around to putting straps on. I left it for Emily when I moved, and she got some ribbons and buttons and finally put it on Ava yesterday! Hooray!



Back to knitting.

on the up and up.

Things have started to turn around a bit, I think. Although I am notorious for speaking too soon, I am excited about the job situation that I think I'm falling into. I picked up some shifts at the flower shop doing Christmas decorating and window displays, and have also started working for a chocolate shop that is opening in Germantown. It's called The Cocoa Tree, and I found out about it through my roommate, Joy, who is friends with the owner, Bethany.

I don't have much to write today. I'm happy I'm in Nashville. It has gotten really cold the past week or so. It's a different cold, though. It's nippy... not wet cold, like Seattle. It feels like Christmas.

Oh, Christmas! Keegan has invited me up to Indiana to spend Christmas with his family. I'm really excited about it, and glad that I won't be moping around here instead.


I really wish my camera hadn't been stolen right before the big move. I would love to be uploading all kinds of pictures. Urgh. Patience.

I finally made it to church on Sunday. I went with a friend who just moved here from Seattle. Her name's Linsey, and she's a real "hoot". We went to the Anchor. I really really enjoyed it. It's so much smaller than I'm used to, but there was something about it that I liked a lot. Of course, I can't make a call on if I'll end up there or not, but so far so good, and I plan on making it back there on Sunday. So far what I picked up from the Anchor that is different from Mars Hill is this:
- Mars Hill's mission is to reach out to Seattle, a city populated with people who may have never known Jesus.
- The Anchor is in Nashville, a city populated with people who at some point have had an experience with God. So from what I understand, it is trying to renew the hearts of Christians who have either gotten comfortable, complacent, have turned away, or have become involved in mixed-up theologies. It is trying to create authentic & genuine community again and renew real relationships with Jesus.

I am also excited to announce the first Trader Joe's in Nashville! It is everything it should be, except apparently Tennessee has a law about not allowing wine to be sold in a grocery store. So forget Charles Shaw. Poor decision, Tennessee. You really blew it.

This is a great brick wall painted downtown.

my new favorite thing.

I can't stop listening to this song.

murphy's law.

Many of you know that I have been struggling financially. This lifestyle is new for me, because I've always had a consistent well-paying job. I have had a temporary part-time job at a really great flower shop, then I got a permanent job at a company called Interlinc. Monday I was layed off from Interlinc due to them not being able to afford to keep me on staff. So back to square one. I have picked up a few shifts at the flower shop again, and might be doing some part-time work at a chocolate shop this weekend. Yesterday I received my first and only paycheck from Interlinc, and I was so relieved to be able to pay a few bills (car insurance, credit card, phone, etc.)
I went out last night with some friends and decided to leave the bar around 2:30 or so. My friend Dave walked me to my car... or where my car was... it had been towed. I called the number on the VERY HIDDEN sign on the building, and Dave and a couple friends drove me to the towing place. I got out of the car and said I'd have it under control and they could take off. I spoke too soon. I went to pay the $105, and their card machine wasn't working. Perfect. Where's the ATM? I was in the industrial district, and a shady bit at that. I walked a block to the only place that was open. A place claiming to be the biggest and best adult bookstore in the state of Tennessee. At this point, I was past being upset, and had started laughing hysterically somewhere between the impound and the book store. Books. Yeah, right. I walked in, laughing, put my fist in the air and shouted, "I'm going to spend some f***ing money in this establishment!". I figured if I'm just going to be throwing money away, I might as well have a better story to tell. I made a purchase of $11, thanked the man, sat outside on the steps trying to figure out what I would do. Luckily, my good friend Jonny Kingsbury was on his way to come pick me up. Yada yada, I picked up my car this morning. Almost got mauled by a pitbull in the impound yard, and I am now back where I started financially. It's comical. I will now check for lumps in my breasts.

back at it.

I have finally started knitting again. With all the moving hooplah, I never found the solitude or the motivation to sit down to some good knitting. With the money I made from a haircut, I decided to check out the yarn stores here. There are three. In the whole city, and they are all a bit of a drive. This town needs more yarn stores. I went to a place called Angel Hair Yarn, and wasn't impressed. There just wasn't much to choose from, but it was so important to me that I get something and get to knitting that I picked up a mediocre grey wool. I just got started making a cowl, and can't wait to get some paychecks coming in so I can buy better yarn, and tons of it.

My favorite new seller on etsy right now: Yokoo.

The temp agency contacted me and said they have a position over at the Journeys (shoes) call center until Christmas. Awesome. The hours will be Sunday through Thursday, 12pm-9pm. That will be nice, and it seems like an easy job. Also, tonight I stopped in at the Starbucks where my friends Stephanie and Renee work. The assistant manager was working and mentioned that they would be hiring. I had heard that they were fully staffed through the holidays. Maybe he thought I was funny. Maybe he's looking to fire one of my friends. We'll see :) The benefits would be nice. I have got to go to the eye doctor.

I have the best roommates in the entire world. They look out for me, and I really enjoy coming home every day. I am very lucky. That's all.

Okay, back to knitting. I'll leave you with an old favorite video:

know the code.

Tonight I am at Timshel & Skip's manning the fort while they are out at a show. Easiest job ever. The boys are asleep, and I am catching up on some projects I need to get done. Just made a pot of coffee. I should be paying THEM for this. However, they are the sweetest berries in the bunch, and they know I'm broke, so they pay me anyway.
I had a hankering for some toast. Just some toast. I couldn't find the toaster, so I put the bread in the oven. I sat down with some coffee and got into a conversation with a friend in Seattle via ichat. Everything's all fun and games until you forget you've left something in the oven. For 20 minutes. I jumped up and ran into the kitchen and smoke had already begun to billow out of the cracks of the oven. I flung the door open and threw the charred pieces of toast in the garbage can and immediately started for the windows. The windows were all painted shut. Then I realized that if I didn't get to the smoke detector before the smoke did, the boys were going to be awake and I was going to be the one who was toast. I ran to open the front and back door and started wafting air at the smoke detector. It didn't do any good. The ceilings are tall, and the children's book I was waving around like a maniac wasn't any match for the thick smoke that was taking over the entire house. I then realized that I heard more beeping than just the smoke detector. The alarm!!!. I frantically tried to read the instructions on the inside of the cover, but it kept saying, "Press 1 + Code". Code...code... where's the Code button.... I just started pressing 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+ to at least stop the beeping. Nothing was working. I grabbed the phone and called Skip. No answer. I tried to see if I could just take it apart and figure it out later, I was NOT going to let the boys wake up. Skip calls back. I assured him everything was okay, it was just a little toast. He told me the alarm company had left a broken-up voicemail saying something about dispatch. I looked out the front door and saw the reflection of flashing red and white lights on the neighbor's windows from across the street. Oh no. I hung up with Skip and ran out to greet the firemen who could already tell everything was fine by the lack of fire and smoke coming out of the house. I told him I was the babysitter, and I didn't have the code to disarm the fire alarm. "It was just some toast", I said. They laughed politely and told me to have a good night.

I am still smiling. I feel like such an idiot. Now I know the code, and now I'll probably never need to use it.

pre embarrassing toast disaster:



post:

identicals.

My good friends Les and Brandon Hilliard skyped me from New Jersey tonight. They are identical twins and lived in Seattle until Les went to Princeton a few months back. This is the first time they've ever really been apart... Brandon just flew to visit Les, and they made sure to video chat with me so I could see their faces together again. So happy.
Les is wearing a wig in this picture, by the way...

once upon the best time ever.

meet bridget. she is a little french girl who likes to tell stores.

beware. you will want to fly to france before the video is even done to steal her.


Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

bite size.

Yes, I miss home. I miss my friends and the local places I know so well... but most of all I miss my nieces and nephews.

I hate that I only get to see pictures now. Here are a few of the recent ones.

but seriously. yes we can.

No matter which party you represent, there is no denying the tremendous weight of what happened today. I was at my new home in Nashville eating fried chicken when I heard the words, "...and the new President of the United States of America will be Barack Obama". Personally, this is a huge deal for me because I have opened my heart and mind to the possibility that what I was brought up to believe isn't necessarily right... or wrong. I have the right to listen and study and decide for myself what I believe is the best for our country; the greatest in the world. For too long we have gotten comfortable and complacent. The past few years I have come to understand that if you are a Christian, you do not have the obligation to vote Republican. For me, this was a huge thing to swallow, and have not done the classic pastor's kid move of thinking and voting the most opposite possible. I am 25 years old, and I believe in a better, more progressive America. I noticed that a lot of people voting for John McCain didn't necessarily do it because they believe in John McCain, but because they just didn't want to see Obama win. I think everyone needs to re-evaluate what they stand for and why.

I did not vote.

I was absolutely all for McCain supporters if they KNEW what they were voting for, and was struggling with Obama supporters if they were going to vote for him only because it was the young thing to do.

Daniel 2:21-22

21 He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.

22 He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.


Be in prayer. Be diligent and respectful. Don't be an asshole.









"

all dressed in khakis.

I have never not dressed up for halloween. When Joel, Neal and I were younger, I remember the first time our parents allowed us to go trick-or-treating. Of course it was only to the 3 neighbor's houses that we knew. Apparently they were the only ones that wouldn't give us razor blades in apples. We pulled something together last minute and I believe we were all mummies. Toilet paper mummies. We weren't big on candy, so the thrill was just dressing up and getting out with all the other kids. I think the next year I was a clown... then Jasmine. My mom always made my costumes. Gosh, I wish we had taken pictures back then. I do remember that my mom made me wear a t-shirt underneath my Jasmine costume. I didn't protest back then. You're welcome, mom. At the end of highschool I started realizing that halloween is a good excuse to wear something sleezy and get away with it. Yes, I was that girl. I proudly wore a swiss alps costume for all kinds of attention that I know now isn't the kind I ever wanted. Fast forward to yesterday. My good friend Jessica Valle is in town from Seattle to visit, and we didn't have a clue what to dress up as, so we didn't. And I'm glad we didn't, because everyone looked like idiots last night. The girls I saw out last night make me terrified to have a daughter. And even if we had come up with something amazing (I had wanted to be the creepy twins from the shining, but we ran out of time and resources), we wouldn't have compared to the Old Greg costume I saw last night. I mean this guy... it was uncanny. Old Greg is a character from a show called the Mighty Boosh which I first saw in London a couple years ago. It is definitely something you should check out. The recent seasons have gotten a bit dark. Funny as hell, just dark. They introduced a character called Old Greg, who is this bazaar sea man/woman who drinks Bailey's and does water color paintings.



I am excited about today. My good friend Keegan has been in Europe for two weeks, and he's finally coming home today. Also, my friends Rhett, Brian and Chris are in a band called Barcelona, and they are here for a few days for a stop on their tour. And with Jessica here, it's just an all-around feel good time.

I had a dream last night that I was on my way to work in Leiper's Fork, which is about 45 minutes south of Nashville. Every day is a really beautiful drive, so I don't mind the length of time it takes. I never have to get on the interstate or get stuck in traffic, and I get to see tons of horses, donkeys and llamas every day. Anyway, I dreamt that on my way to work, I saw a couple kids getting out of a van that had pulled over. They started to line up against one of the farm fences, and I realized it was the Duggars! I pulled over and took a picture with them with my phone, and I immediately tried to send it to my sisters Emily and Sarah, but I didn't have service. This is my life. I seriously hate T-Mobile in Nashville.

Pros and Cons.

I've decided I really like it here, although there are some cons.

Here is a list I've compiled, in no particular order.


Pro: Bongo Java. A lot of places around here are in houses. And free wifi doesn't hurt :)


Con:


Pro: It's beautiful here. It reminds me of a different time. Like Driving Miss Daisy, or even Huck Finn.


Con: No one has even heard of Deschutes or Rainier.


Pro: I have some seriously amazing friends here.


Con: I have some seriously amazing friends in Seattle.

Embroiderme.

I worked a really long day at the flower shop today, but it was fun. I really enjoy it, and I'm sad that it is only a temporary position. Boo. I notice flowers now, which is something I definitely didn't do before. I think I like them. I know, right? What girl doesn't like flowers? I just always thought they were a waste. I got to thinking about how I don't remember a time when I got flowers. I sold a lot to old business men on their way home from work. They wanted to bring something home to their wives "just because". Last night I listened to part 2 of Mark's series on Song of Solomon. He mentioned something about how it takes around 9 or 10 years in a marriage to stop being selfish, and to start putting your spouse first without thinking. Most people get divorced before that, so they never get to experience the really good steady, selfless part. Anyway, it was refreshing to see what Mark was talking about in action today. These sweet devoted men who couldn't wait to get home to their wives...just because. You really should listen to the series that Mark is doing right now. It's called Peasant Princess, and I believe he's on his 4th week. It's not for the kids :) Listen here.

Tomorrow is another day at the flower shop, and I've got to get to bed. But before I do, I'll show you a couple things I embroidered today. I don't know what I'm using them for, whether they will be brooches or maybe christmas ornaments, but I really like the twigs & cranberry theme. Colleen and I are going to participate in a craft fair in two weeks, and I need to get my craft ass in gear.




Oh, also... when I was looking through my mom's craft stuff one last time, I found this! So cute.